The Disease that Killed Love Book III
by Rosabell
Summary: Li Syaoran has lost his sight. His voice. It has been nearly thirteen years that he had struggled with the disease and three years with the gang. In the final book of the trilogy, the fate of the half mortal begins to unfold...*Complete*
1. Chapter 1 Tomoyo

The Disease that Killed Love Book III

Chapter 1-Tomoyo

The wizards were a lot of fun, I must say. Although before they had been pretty worried and mysterious, now that the silk bag that can never be destroyed is opened, they seemed more relaxed than before. Seeing this, all of our hopes were raised.

Syaoran was still blind and mute, and will be, Sergei says, for the rest of his life. We were content to have Syaoran alive though. However, Syaoran didn't seem especially happy.

Ever since Yue came home Syaoran spent all of his time with his father. He refused to accept his jade back and was even offended at Sakura even thinking of such a thing. He went out flying every night to come back exhausted yet rested. He listened to music and played the cello every day. He went over to Eriol and my house as much as he could and visited Sakura every day. We gathered together once a week, just us, the Circle of Clow.

In truth we thought things wouldn't get worse. The bag was always full of whatever was in it. The future looked bright because it seemed that there was a future. We did not ponder on how Syaoran will support himself because Yukito is immortal. Neither did the wizards, it seemed.

That way April passed like a breeze and May came. Outside was warm and Yukito often took him to the park. Lele, the dog, went out too. Mimi loved Lele. She likes all dogs.

Lele especially liked chasing birds. Until, that is, he came to cats. Then he grew even more excited. Countless cats had to be rescued from the trees and Syaoran was more amused than angry at Lele for bringing so much trouble to them.

" He's fast." Syaoran had mouthed, although none of us knew how he could possibly had figured Lele's speed. " Cats can't outrun him unless there are trees around. He's quite harmless too. Wouldn't touch a fly." He didn't know if Lele did touch flies at all. He couldn't possibly have known.

The funny puppy is really cute.

  
  
" Here you go, over here, a little to the right. There!" I smiled as I handed the ice cream to him. Syaoran smiled back, taking the spoon and dipping it into the ice cream. He no longer liked cones because if the ice cream was dripping he wouldn't know it, and things would get messy afterwards.

I was perfectly willing to buy Syaoran all the chocolate he wanted because he was still far too thin for my taste. He needs ' muscle'.

Of course, when I say the word ' muscle', this image of Superman pops into my head. So no, he does not need _that_ much muscle. Just enough to lift his cello out of his case without tripping over from its weight.

" Do you want more ice cream?" I asked. Recently it was only yes and no questions. Syaoran shrugged. It depends, he was saying. Then I remembered he didn't know how much ice cream he was having.  
" You finished about half already." I laughed. Then Syaoran nodded. I started up, but Syaoran held on to my hand.  
" Nani?" I asked.

Syaoran rolled his eyes and tugged me down, then pointed at me.  
" Fine." I said. I really didn't know what he was saying, but I'm guessing he's saying that I still have to eat.

Which was true.

  
  
" Hey Syaoran. Did you have fun?" Touya asked. Syaoran gave him a nod before searching for the couch. Sakura came down the stairs.  
" Konnichiwa, Syaoran-kun." She smiled, although Syaoran couldn't see it. " Are you okay today?"

By now Syaoran had this look of annoyance that I had to videotape.

Xuyan laughed at me.

Eriol came in around half an hour later along with Kaho and the others. Yue had stayed with Syaoran the entire day and was leading him to the table where Touya was preparing lunch.

Today was April 7th.

" Ow!" Syaoran blinked at Xuyan, then giggled silently. Xuyan glared at him.  
' Your own fault.' He said. Or mouthed, for that matter.  
" Sheesh." Xuyan muttered. " Why do you have to kick me all the time?"

Syaoran cocked an eyebrow and went back to his food.

  
  
Afterwards we played poker. Or tried to, anyway.

" He can't play anything but Chinese Poker and Goldfish, for that matter, since he can't see." Eriol pointed out.

Later, we found out that he couldn't play that either, because he can't even see his own cards.

  
  
So we resorted to any kind of board game we could think of. That didn't work. Without Syaoran's eyesight, there's really nothing we could do.

So we resorted to story telling, which wasn't all that bad.

" One time, Sakura went with Chiharu to one of the malls," I began, " And there they tried to buy this key chain. The guy obviously didn't know how to do math, they had to stay there for several hours bickering with him."  
" It was stupid." Sakura agreed, while Eriol chuckled. " The guy kept on thinking it was twenty yen when it was twenty cents. He said the decimal wasn't supposed to be there."

That resulted in cocked eyebrows from everyone present.  
" Does such a retard even exist?" Xuyan asked.  
" I have never heard of such a thing." Eriol laughed.

Then it was Eriol's turn to tell a story.

" I know this very good pianist in America." He began, " She's a Chinese and plays in New York."  
" Oh, Ping Yuan, hai?" Kaho blinked.  
" Hai. Anyway, she was a very good pianist. Very good." Eriol shook his head. " So naturally she had many concerts. One time she was planning a concert in a college in New York. They sent out flyers to all the students in the school as they should a few weeks from that day, and on the day of the concert, the manager goes to her, asks her, ' are you ready', and ' whenever you're ready', and she calms herself. The manager dims the lights, she goes out, takes a bow, and realizes that there is no audience."

At this we all started chuckling like crazy.

" No one?" I cried. " Not a single person?"  
" Not a single person." Eriol grinned. " So she comes back, and the manager asks her, ' what are you doing? Go back there! What's wrong?' and she tells him to come out. So the manager, very cautiously, peeks onstage, and notices what's wrong. Naturally he was very embarrassed. Ping Yuan says don't worry, ' I'll handle this', and goes around to several students who were just hanging out and tells them, ' there's a concert! You must come!"  
" She got around ten people at the beginning of the concert, and in the front there was a man who was watching. When she finished a piece and bowed, he asked, first in English, if she was Chinese. She answered that she was and left, and when she came back again, he started speaking to her in Chinese, and she would answer back and sit on the piano and start playing. After she played, she would bow and he would say something and she'll answer back, and when I heard this I thought this was seriously bizarre. Out of the ten people she first got only three students were left in the end, because they had to go to class."

  
  
Syaoran was laughing hard in his silent way, probably imagining what it had looked like for a great musician to perform without an audience. We were laughing too.

" Is this true? Did this really happen?"  
" Trust me," Eriol began, " I can never in my whole imagination, making something like this up." 


	2. Chapter 2 Xuyan

The Disease that Killed Love Book III

Chapter 2-Xuyan

Jingxi does not know how to play the violin and never will, but it's funny watching him attempt to play Swan Lake on the violin. Swan Lake is actually pretty hard, but he's trying and I'll have to give him credit for that.

Even so, it didn't really work out. For some reason he couldn't tune anymore. When I told him a note was extremely sharp, for example, he didn't know how much he should turn the peg.

He was great at tuning before. I wonder what happened.

The wizards visited us often. They even brought fascinating gifts along with them. I got this awesome sword that never has to be sharpened because it is so sharp everything just cuts right through and nothing can hurt it. Syaoran got bows and arrows.

Now why would the witches give him bows and arrows? You may ask. The truth is, Yue was very happy about this because he might teach Syaoran how to shoot.

I was busy wondering how he would do it.

  
  
Yue never ceases to amaze me.

First of all, he shot first, right beside Syaoran, with an arrow tipped with a loud rock. Syaoran shot right after that, following the sound. 

He'll get to be a pretty good archer.

After all, his teacher is one of the best!

  
  
" I guess it's in his blood." Yue said proudly to Touya the next morning. " He got it with several tries."

Syaoran smiled proudly as well, happy that his father was proud of him, and stretched out his arms for a hug. Touya hugged him, and I was pretty sure that was what Syaoran wanted.

Touya picked him up and laughed, then said to Yue sternly, " He needs to eat."

Yue growled in annoyance.

" Well, now that you're still light enough for me to carry," Touya swung the frightened kid around, " We're going to get you something to eat. I have a lot of American chocolate."  
" Hersheys?" Yue asked.  
" Hai." Touya grinned. " Dark chocolate. Your favorite, ne?"

Most parents would complain that their children will get obesity, but I think Syaoran was in absolutely no danger right now.

He took the chocolate and bit into it, but for some reason didn't quite like it because then he turned and drank a lot of water.

" American chocolate's too sweet." Yue explained and I totally agree. How much sugar do they put in that thing?

" Don't drink too much water." Touya warned. " You'll feel sick."

Syaoran nodded dumbly and bit into the chocolate again. This time he didn't drink any water.

" You're very good a chaligraphy." Mimi looked at me. " Did you practice hard or something?"  
" Hai, to beat Syaoran." I answered. " He's even better than me at this. Take a look at this," I fetched out a scroll from one of the suitcases. " He won the youth chaligraphy competition with this. It's a poem."

George took a look at it and blinked in approval.  
" It looks nice. Nice poem he chose."

I almost forgot the wizards understand every language.  
" Yes." I said.

Mimi laughed, then handed the scroll back to me. " Do you two always compete?"  
" Not anymore." I answered. " I can't beat him, which is kind of sad, but I still have many things to be grateful for, I guess."  
" That you have." George nodded. " Great many things."

I looked at my own work. It was exactly like Syaoran's now, but if Syaoran had been able to write he would have improved.

I sighed. The witch seemed to sense my distress.

" All will end soon." She said.  
" How?" I asked.

They did not answer.

  
  
Sergei was often at Syaoran's place and talking with him. About what, I have absolutely no idea. The truth was, I didn't like Sergei. Okay-scratch that. I trust the man. The problem was I'm not interested in him. He's boring.

Okay. Scratch that. He's really _really_ boring.

I don't know what Syaoran found so interesting about him to actually sit on the couch and talk to him. I wonder what Sergei was doing...

  
  
April 11th. Someone decided to take Syaoran to the zoo. Bad idea.

I think it was Nakuru who offered to do it and Yue reluctantly accepted. Yue didn't go though, which was odd because he was almost always with Syaoran.

  
  
Before I go on, let me just explain briefly to all of you who have all five senses. Those of you who have all five senses have all five senses. No big deal. Now, when there's someone like Syaoran, who became blind, that person, ( like Syaoran) develops subconsciously the other four senses. When someone like Helen Keller, has only three senses, well, those develop twice as much.

In Syaoran's case, he's blind and mute, the mute part not mattering much because it's not a sense, but the blind part did. Going to the zoo did not change that fact. Zoos are more for seeing.

In Syaoran's case, he had to resort to his other senses to get in touch with his surroundings, mainly his hearing, his sense of touch, and,

His sense of smell.

The zoo was not a particularly good smelling place.

  
  
That trip ended in a disaster, especially when they reached the elephants. Elephants eat a lot, which also means...

You get the point.

So Syaoran did not like that trip and Nakuru was very sad.

  
  
When Sakura heard it, she thought it was the funniest thing that ever happened to poor Jingxi and teased him relentlessly about. She eventually made him cry though, because he couldn't get back at her.

That earned her brief scoldings from Touya while Yue had to comfort Syaoran. Sakura was sorry though, I could tell. She didn't mean to hurt Syaoran's feelings.

The truth was we're getting so use to his silence. She thought that Syaoran would just open his mouth and shoot some smart comment back at her. 

I know what it feels like. To have something to say and not be able to say it. It's not like you don't want to say it, you're afraid to say it, something like that.

It's when you _can't_ say it. Even when you try.

Which was precisely why Syaoran started crying.

  
  
April 16th. That day was a very bad day, because it was raining very hard. So hard, in fact, that our neighborhood was in danger of flooding.

" First thing I'll announce." I grabbed Eriol's shoulders. " I'm going to kill someone."  
" Why don't you kill Spinel?" Eriol offered. Spinel glared at him.

I let go of Eriol and turned around. " Maybe I'll break my violin."

The problem was, Syaoran was holding the violin, trying to play on it again. I sighed.

" Good heavens, you're in a bad mood." Eriol cocked an eyebrow. " What's wrong?"  
" Why are you asking me that?" I asked. " Everything's wrong. I was planning on...on relaxing, and now I'm forced with going out and walking Lele. And look, she needs a walk too."

It was true. Dogs do have an inner schedule, and when it's time for them to go to the bathroom, they'll go to the bathroom no matter what. This works well for some people, but for most people, weather, occasional colds, fevers,

That won't work well.

So Lele needs to go out and Syaoran offered to go, but none of us would have it.

" You're staying right here where it's all cozy and comfy."

Syaoran shrugged in his silent way and leaned next to Yue. The two of them were listening to a television show. Listening, because Syaoran could not hear.

Of course, Yue was good at picking shows when it came to his son. He chose talk shows instead of regular comic ones because Syaoran cannot see what's so funny but can hear what was funny. He didn't pick action shows because Syaoran would get hurt after not being able to fight anymore.

So quite frankly, the show would have been better on a radio.

Which was best, I guess.

It's really nice. It's really nice to see Yue and Syaoran together. Especially since my cousin's so cuddly. He likes to cuddle to his dad. Yue didn't mind either. I especially like it when they have a pillow fight. Syaoran always knew where Yue was and in the end Yue always won by tickling Syaoran to defeat.

Now, if only it wasn't raining, and I wasn't the one walking the dog... 


	3. Chapter 3 Touya

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 3-Touya

Syaoran suddenly developed a craze for chocolate chip cookies one day.

It's kind of my fault, hehe, because I tried to make them. Syaoran was my first and he tasted the cookies and immediately demanded more. So now we have a store of chocolate chip cookies for him now.

Not bad, actually. It's funny watching him eat cookies, despite being twelve years old already. He still looked like a kid. Of course, to me and Yue. Yue, being his father, and me, being nineteen years old.

Jolly.

Still, there was something really wrong. Syaoran should be outside playing soccer or basketball, instead of lying about at home listening to Bach. He should be annoyed that Yukito was fussing all over him and look forward to college. However, Syaoran showed no signs of that. He was content to listen to one CD after another, or lie across Yue's lap, or just sleep and be pampered.

Twelve year old boys should not be content with that.

April 19th. Syaoran began acting queer that day. We were going over to Tomoyo's when he suddenly asked Yukito the date.

" It's the nineteenth." Yukito answered, quite puzzled.  
' Three more months.' Syaoran mouthed. We were use to looking at his lips when he talked. I've become very good at reading lips, as were the rest of our group.  
" Thinking about your own birthday?" I teased.

Syaoran nodded. ' It's fast.'  
" I know." Yukito answered. " Are you excited? You'll turn thirteen this year."

But for some reason Syaoran didn't smile. He had this look in his eyes that I couldn't decipher. It wasn't a happy look, that's for sure. Rather, it was a defeated look. As if he knew something was coming that was inevitable, but that thing was not something pleasant.

  
  
" There we go." Tomoyo sighed. " Finally. Tell me, why are you doing this again?"  
" The other bag got used up." The kaijuu answered.

The other bag was the bag of magical herbs that Sakura created and Xuyan had opened.

" Don't bother."

We turned around to find George and Mimi standing behind us.  
" Konbonwa, George-san, Mimi-san!" Sakura said cheerfully. " What brings you here?"  
" Don't bother casting anymore spells." Mimi answered. " It's useless."  
" What do you mean?" Eriol asked cautiously.

George shrugged. " Just don't. It's not going to work."  
" Do you know something that we don't?"

Mimi and George said nothing.

" Well?" I began. " Might as well tell us. Would it make a difference?"  
" It would." Mimi answered. " You'll try to prevent it from happening. But it's beyond your power."  
" Prevent _what_ from happening?" Sakura asked. " Matte!"

But the wizard and witch were gone.

  
  
" That was odd." I commented to Nakuru. " Why did they seem so solemn?"  
" I don't know. Why didn't they want Sakura to make the herbs?"  
" They mentioned that it wouldn't work. Maybe we have to try another spell."

Syaoran shook his head.

" Something wrong, Syao?" Eriol asked.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. It's clear he was saying, _Don't call me Syao._

Eriol laughed.

" What's wrong, Jingxi?" Yukito asked. " You seem so unhappy today."

Syaoran shook his head.

" Aw, come on, tell us already!" Xuyan began. " What's bugging you?"

Syaoran shook his head again.

We sighed.

" Syaoran, you're not telling us what's wrong, and that alone signifies that _something is wrong._"

Syaoran shrugged. It was one of those " I don't care what you think and I don't care about this situation either" kind of shrugs.

" Syaoran, we're trying to help you here."

Another shrug.

" Well, that was profitable." I answered, cocking an eyebrow. " Syaoran, do you want some ice cream?"

Syaoran nodded. Tomoyo went to fetch some ice cream.

  
  
" What do you suppose is wrong with him?" I asked Yukito.  
" I don't know." Yukito answered. " He's been like this the entire day."  
" Why? Did he have a bad night or something?"  
" Maybe. I doubt it."  
" Then what's wrong?"  
" I don't know."

I took a close look at Yukito. He was tense. He was nervous.

" Well?"  
" Well what?"  
" Are you going to do something?"  
" What do you want me to do? I don't know what the problem is."

I sighed. " Think back to yesterday. Did we do something to upset him?"  
" Iie."  
" So..."  
" Perhaps what Mimi and George said upsetted him."  
" But that was only five minutes ago!"  
" We can still try."

  
  
Yukito came back from Syaoran looking very disturbed.  
" Well?" Xuyan began.  
" It's not George or Mimi. He's not upset about that. He didn't care what they said."  
" So...what's wrong then?"  
" I don't know."

I groaned. I hated not knowing what's going on.  
" Do you think Syaoran's sick?"  
" He always was."  
" Iie, I mean, the sick as in fever, flu, that sort."  
" Oh. Iie, his temperature is fine, and he's not showing any symptoms." Yukito blinked. " Although that could be a reason."  
" That he's having some kind of sickness without symptoms?" Eriol blinked. " I don't know any disease like that."  
" Neither do I." I answered.

Yukito looked at Syaoran.

" Ai, Li Jingxi, you'll be the death of us all." I muttered. We dug into our ice cream. 


	4. Chapter 4 Syaoran

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 4-Syaoran

This will be the last chapter I will write.

It isn't because I don't want to write anymore. I know I won't be able to write after this. It's hard, being blind, being mute, unable to say anything. I can't say I'm sorry, or that I love them, or that I wanted to say goodbye.

The end is near. I can feel it. I felt it in my bones. I felt my mind crumbling.

It isn't because I lost hope. I have a lot of hope. I'll cling on to whatever I have. But I know. And that changes things.

I've made up my mind.

Long long ago, I made Otou-san make a promise. A promise that when I am suffering beyond repair, he will end that suffering.

I will make him change that.

The reason is because I've grown use to suffering. Through this suffering, I experienced something even more beautiful, more powerful than despair. I experienced love.

I remembered how my friends had been there for me. Every step of the way, ever since they realized I was ill. Ever since we went back to Hong Kong that day three years ago. We stepped through the mansion and we greeted my sisters and my mother. I still remember that day very clearly. And how my mother revealed to all of us that Yue was my father, and I revealed how sick I was when I refused to believe it and ran away.

That time Otou-san refused to accept me as his son. I can't say I blamed him. I refused to accept him as my father. It's only fair that way. But then things started to change.

Remember when I said that I made my imaginary father invent stories for me? Stories that I invented myself? The boy with the deer?

I don't need an imaginary father anymore. I have a real one. One that loves me more than anything. One that will do anything for me. One that was devoted to me. One that will sacrifice his life for me.

That was why I gave that jade to Sakura on her birthday. That jade was simple. It wasn't expensive when I got it. But because I've had it for eight years, gradually it increased in its worth.

Not everything is based on money.

Now I'm blind. Now I'm mute. It was a necessary change, as Spinel had said. Like how feudalism _must_ come right after slavery and capitalism _right_ after feudalism. It was a necessary procedure. But even so, I want my sight back. I want my voice back. Who wouldn't? Can money buy you that? Can money buy you your life?

Ironic. I was the richest boy in the world. I was also the most unlucky. Yet now, now that I think of it, I'm no longer rich, and yet I'm the luckiest kid. 

My name is Li Jingxi.

I am twelve years old. I am born on July 13th, into a noble and aristocratic clan. I am a descendant of Clow Reed and a son of a guardian immortal. I am a half mortal. I am the lover of the Card Mistress and the friend of wizards and witches. I have a dragon to protect me and I had the dead spirits guide me. Once. My friends call me Syaoran, which means ' little wolf' in Chinese. I bear a deadly disease, one that will take my life away, slowly, painfully.

Why not end it now?

Because I'm the luckiest boy in the world. Who else would have such a devoted father as Yue? Who else would have earned the heart of someone so valuable as Sakura? Who else would have such a cousin as Xuyan? And such loyal friends, Kero, Touya, Spinel, Eriol, Nakuru, Kaho, and the wizards and witches? Those that will fight to the end for my life alone?

My life is not valuable. Yet they treat it as if it is. Who else could have such people around them?

That was what I told Sergei. In my silent way, without any sound, I mouthed out every word and told him what I felt. I felt pain. I felt hope. I felt love. Yet I do not feel the one thing that should be there.

I do not feel fear.

" Why?" he had asked me. " Why don't you fear?"  
" I know what pain is like and I realized I can bear it." I answered, in my silent way. " I can bear all the pain in the world."

  
  
I am perfectly confident that I could. And believe me, I will. Which is why now I'm writing this. I am telling Otou-san. I am telling him not to kill me, to let me die in my own time. Of course, I will die, sooner or later. Slowly, painfully, and perhaps all alone. But I will cling to this world where I am rich. Where I am the luckiest kid in the world. There was so much I have gathered here, despite all the sacrifices I've made. I'll cling on to my father. My cousin. My love. My friends. I will cling on to the hope that they all shared and I will cling on to that love. That friendship. I will not give up. Because I know they will never give up on me.

  
  
This is the last time I write, and now I rest my pen in peace. I have said all I wanted to say. I am at peace. I am content. I do not fear. There is pain, there is sorrow. But still I am content. For such things make up life. And I'm glad to experience it. 


	5. Chapter 5 Sakura

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 5-Sakura

One night I had a terrible dream.

I was up in the morning. The house was quiet, and I got out of bed and got dressed. Combing my hair, like I do everyday, I went downstairs for breakfast.

" Ohayo.", my brother said. I smiled at him.  
" Ohayo." I said.  
" Did you sleep well?" He asked.  
" Hai." I looked at the clock. " So, are we going to go over to Syaoran's place again?"  
" Syao-" Oni-chan stared at me as if I was joking, but not humorously. " Sakura," He sighed. " You can't hide like this."  
" What do you mean?" I was confused.  
" Sakura, don't do this to yourself. It's not going to work." Oni-chan sighed again. " Sooner or later you'll realize that you can't run forever, and trust me, it's going to be far more painful than you think."

I was puzzled. What did Touya mean by that? Shrugging, I finished my breakfast and went out.

" I'm going over to Tomoyo's!" I called, and I went down the road towards her mansion.

Once I got there, I rang the doorbell and Tomoyo answered.  
" Ohayo, Sakura-chan." She smiled.  
" Ohayo." I smiled. I went in.  
" Look, I have this gorgeous dress prepared for the prom." Tomoyo showed it to me. I do not remember what it looked like, but I remember being fascinated by it.  
" Oh, Tomoyo-chan! It's beautiful!" I cried. " Do you think Syaoran-kun would like it?"

Tomoyo looked at me for a moment and sighed. She sighed pretty much the same way Touya did.  
" Sakura," She began, then looked down.  
" What's wrong?" I asked.  
" Sakura, why do you always lie to yourself like this?" Tomoyo asked.  
" Lie about what?" I asked.  
" You're only going to hurt yourself." She continued. " You're only going to make it more unbearable."  
" Make _what_ more unbearable?" I asked. I was thoroughly perplexed now. " Tomoyo, what's wrong, seriously?"

Tomoyo just shook her head. She didn't feel like talking.

Shrugging, something I normally wouldn't do in a time like this, but this was a dream, at any rate. I decided to let it slide. Putting on the dress, I spun around for her. Tomoyo clapped her hands together in delight, but it was a kind of delight that seemed to be repressed. She was not completely happy and I wondered why.

  
  
Later, I went over to Eriol's house. Tomoyo greeted him kindly, but Eriol looked tired.

" Eriol-kun, what's wrong?" I asked. Eriol was normally calm and collected. Today he looked like he had been beaten up.  
" Konnichiwa, Sakura-san." It was the afternoon. Eriol forced a smile and let us go in. Inside sat Xuyan and Yue. Yue looked cold and forlorn. Xuyan was quiet.  
" Hey Xuyan, Eriol, are you going to the prom tomorrow night?" I asked cheerfully.  
" I might go." Xuyan forced a smile.  
" Me too." Eriol answered.  
" Is something wrong?" I asked.  
" Sakura, you can't keep on acting like nothing happened." Xuyan began.  
" What do you mean? What happened?" I asked, tired and annoyed that everyone was speaking in riddles. " Will someone explain to me why you're all so upset today?"  
" Sakura, just accept it." Nakuru said gravely. " Just accept that Syaoran's dead. You can't keep ignoring it. He's gone and he'll never be back."

  
  
I woke up in cold sweat. It was morning.

Downstairs, Oni-chan was making breakfast. I hurried up and got dressed. Then I went downstairs.  
" Ohayo," He called, smiling.  
" Oni-chan, Syaoran-kun is still alive, right?" I asked.  
" Of course he's still alive. Why?" Oni-chan blinked.  
" Oh, nothing." I shivered. I still remember every detail. Eating breakfast, I decided to do something different then what happened in my dream. I decided to go to Yukito's house first.

Sure enough, Syaoran was there, as well as everyone else. I immediately ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. He must have been confused because he backed one step, but then he wrapped his arms around me.

" Syaoran-kun, promise me that you'll never leave me." I begged, looking into those white and blind eyes. " Promise me that you'll always be there for me."

Syaoran was silent, as he should be, but he did not give any other response.

" Syaoran, onegai, just promise me that you won't die. That you won't leave me alone. You have no idea how much you mean to us...if you're gone...I don't know what I'll do! I don't know what we'll do!"

Syaoran sighed and turned away from me. I started crying.

" Sakura, Sakura-san," Nakuru began, " Sakura, calm down-"  
" Syaoran-kun!" I called. He didn't respond. I ran to him, then turned him around and started shaking him.

" Syaoran-kun, _onegai!_ Promise me that you'll stay alive! _Onegai!_ I can't live without you. Things wouldn't be the same, and, and, and, we've been struggling with this stupid thing for three years now, and you've survived for thirteen years. Onegai, Syaroan, please listen to me. Syaoran, why won't you listen to me?"

" Sakura," Said Tomoyo, but I wasn't going to listen to her.

" Syaoran, Syaoran, I had a glimpse of what life would be without you. It's so empty. We were all so lost. You were the one that connected us together!"

Syaoran looked at me. It was as if he could actually see me. His blind eyes stared straight into my own and I found myself unable to look at them or tear them away. For a long time we stood there. The clock ticked, tick tock, tick tock, over and over again, the only thing breaking the silence. All of our friends were silent too. I stared at Syaoran, waiting for his answer, any kind of answer to my pleadings. I remembered that day fully, how everyone tried to be happy but couldn't, the forced smiles, the sad sighs. I remembered how Oni-chan stopped smiling instantly when I asked if we were coming here. I remembered how different Eriol looked when Tomoyo and I went over to his house. But most of all I remembered Yue. He was like an ice sculpture, pale and unmoving, his blank eyes staring straight ahead. And I remembered Nakuru's sad voice telling me, _" Sakura, just accept it. Just accept that Syaoran's dead._"

  
  
Syaoran slowly pushed my hands gently from his shoulders. He opened his mouth, as if trying to speak, then shut it. He looked at my hands as if he knew where they were and he covered them with his own and squeezed it affectionately.

" Syaoran, Syaoran, don't you understand? Onegai, just say that you promise. Just say that you promise." I pleaded. I was frightened. Why wasn't Syaoran answering?

Syaoran looked into my eyes and sighed. He slowly stepped back and let go of my hands. He gestured to his ear, then shook his head.

Silence.

I did not understand. Or perhaps it was because I didn't want to. For a long time I stood there, dumfounded, not comprehending. What did he mean? Why isn't he answering?

Finally, it dawned on me, so brutally I couldn't even cry. I stood there like the ice statue that I saw that represented Yue. All around us our friends were silent, they too, drowning in grief. I was so dejected I couldn't even approach Syaoran again.

Syaoran. My love. The light of my childhood, the light of my heart. He stood there, also dejected, not returning my stare. I felt tears build up in my eyes as I began to understand why he did not answer. Why he was holding my hands the way he did, and why he could not make that promise I so dearly required of him.

My Syaoran was deaf. My Jingxi. He will never hear the birds singing in the morning. He will never hear the cars screech and the crickets peeping in the night. He will never hear Lele bark or the footsteps on the stairs. He will never play the cello, will never hear the CD's.

" You knew this all along!" I shouted. " You knew this all along! That was why you listened to those cursed CD's! That's why you kept on playing that stupid cello! You KNEW that you were going to lose your hearing! You KNEW that you will be deaf! You bastard! You sick, damned bastard!"

But as soon as I said those words I wanted to take them back and I immediately thanked the heavens that Syaoran could not hear me say them. I fell crying. I wrapped my arms around Syaoran, sobbing all my sorrow out, seeing my love like this, blind, deaf, and mute. He will never see me in my prom dress. He will never hear me speak to him. And he will never answer.

Syaoran slid his arms around me, trying to comfort me. But it was cold comfort. It was so cold I almost wished he didn't try. However I was glad I didn't run away from him. I was glad I didn't leave him alone. He's so alone now, his only sense left of use was his touch, and the only way he could connect to the world is by touch now. Still, I sobbed, I sobbed and wept until I could weep no more.

  
  
_You knew this all along... _


	6. Chapter 6 Kero

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 6-Kero

We got use to Syaoran being blind. We got use to Syaoran being silent. It's easy to understand. Syaoran was able to feel his way around. And sometimes he wouldn't answer us when we talk to him before. Syaoran was afraid when he got blind. It's kind of like when you close your eyes and you weren't allowed to open them, and all of the sudden you feel insecure.

We never got use to Syaoran not hearing us.

Sure, sometimes he wouldn't answer, pretend he didn't hear. But it wasn't like_ that._ He would pretend he didn't hear but we would still know he did. Now, sometimes I catch myself calling him, and getting angry because he didn't respond. Then I remember why he didn't respond.

Yue yelled at Sergei once. Well, not yelled, but accused. He said Sergei knew all along. Sakura said the same.

" There's nothing that can be done." Sergei answered. " Nothing. Be glad that you're with him now, in hard times. It will only get harder."

It was not encouraging at all.

Most of the time the house of Yukito was silent. Except for that blasted clock, nothing was really going on. Outside, a car would honk occasionally, or the sound of a child dribbling a basketball will ring across the desolate rooms. But inside, there was very little movement.

Sure, Syaoran would curl up on Yue's lap on the couch. They would sit at the table and eat. Sure, but that was all. There was no movement in that. All was quiet.

It was frightening. It was like the house of the dead. Despite the sunlight rushing into the room, and the cheery decorations, the dog hustling and bustling from here to there. But even Lele was quiet, always guiding Syaoran. Always being his eyes, his ears, his voice. Sometimes it was funny. Syaoran would open his mouth, have this scared look in his eyes, but then Lele would start barking like crazy, and Yue would come running. Yue would first try to calm Lele, and then notice the frightened look in Syaoran's eyes and realize Lele was calling him for Syaoran. But then, all will be quiet again. The dog will curl around Syaoran and everything will be still. 

Have you ever pictured a haunted house? All is dark, all is old, right? And all is covered with spiderwebs and cobwebs and dust. Everything is silent, and at the smallest creak you jump, thinking that some ghost may be right behind you, or a little whisper of wind will make your skin crawl. That's what it's like in Yukito's house. No, it's not dark, it's not old, and nothing is covered with spiderwebs and cobwebs and dust except for Syaoran's cello and cello case. Still, everything was silent, and the smallest creak may startle you, and the whispers of wind, the door opening, the curtains flapping, it will drive you crazy. It's always as if something is waiting for you, waiting for your loved ones, ready to pounce when you don't watch out.

Kami-sama. That place is horrible.

Yet Syaoran wouldn't go out anymore. I don't go in there without someone coming with me. Sure, I know Yukito's always there, and Syaoran is too. But still, I like to have at least _someone_ with me. Spinel, even. Kaho sometimes drop by to deliver the groceries. Tomoyo, Sakura, Touya and I sometimes go there.

God, it's so lonely in there. I'd swear, I could never imagine Syaoran at during Chinese New Year with all the decorations. How he was beaming. Kami! I can never imagine that now, and I had seen in for myself.

  
  
" Hey, Sakura-chan! How was school today?" I asked.  
" Okay, I guess." Sakura said, very low spirited. " Things were normal."

One thing good about this whole ordeal was that there were no mysterious sorcerors out to kill Sakura or anything like that. Sakura was absolutely right. Things were normal.

" We're having a party tomorrow night." She said. " I'm not sure what for. Just a party, I guess."  
" That's odd." I blinked. " Schools don't usually have parties for no reason."  
" The seniors told me to invite Syaoran." Sakura shrugged. " I'll try, I guess. I doubt he's going. I don't know how to break this to him. And if he's not going I don't feel like going either."  
" Aw, come on! You might meet some boys that might want to go out with you! Hopefully that will get Touya started. He hasn't been chasing boys of you these last couple of years because you haven't _got_ any except Syaoran, who Touya now had no problem with."  
" Why do you want him to get annoyed?" Sakura asked curiously.  
" Things were slow lately. Hopefully Touya will start them up." I answered. " All these sad faces make me lose my appetite."  
" I never imagined that was possible." Sakura turned a page in her book.

I wanted to yell at her. Seriously I did. I would have if she was looking at me with laughter in her eyes. But she wasn't laughing. It was a humorless joke.

I sighed. I can't blame these people. Things have been going wrong lately.

Kami-sama.

  
  
" Three years. Please! Geez, you're annoying. I'd swear there's something wrong with time here. Ouch. That hurt." I muttered.

Lele growled. I ignored the dog.

" Sheesh, ouch, stop biting me! What is today? April 23rd. Ow! Stop biting me! You blasted dog." I flew high up out of Lele's reach. " Urgh."

I turned around and looked at the master of this dog who was sitting on the couch, his eyes looking at my direction.

" Would you stop staring at me!?" I yelled.

No answer. Not that Syaoran could answer, anyway, even if he heard what I just yelled at him. It made me feel better to yell at him like that. Sure, I wish he would stop staring at me, as if he could see me. It made me feel self conscious.

" This is all your fault!" I yelled at him, knowing full well that he wouldn't hear me anyway. " If you weren't so weak, if you weren't sick, if you weren't_ born,_ everyone would be laughing their heads off right now! Sakura would go to that party of hers and meet new boys! Touya would chase them off! Yukito would be in college! Eriol would be back in England! But _iieee,_ you had to be here! This is all your fault!"

I knew Yukito was listening, but we understood each other very well. Hai, Yue and I understood each other. He knew that I didn't mean what I said, that I was as upset as he was, and that I was only yelling at Syaoran because I knew that I could blame him without hurting his feelings.

He stared at me. He stared at me with those harsh blind eyes of his.

" Stop staring at me!"

This time, though, I wished that he would stop staring at me. I wished that he would hear what I was saying. I wished he would see me and actually look at me instead of right through me.

" You gaki!"

Gaki. How long has it been since I last called him gaki? A long long time ago, three years ago. That is a very long time.

  
  
I was suddenly tired. I don't feel like yelling at an empty shell anymore. I don't feel like blaming him, completely innocent of all this. Sure, it made me feel better. It served its purpose. Now I want him to laugh that clear laugh of his and call me a stuffed animal. I want him to yell out as I bite his finger. I want him to bicker with me like in the past. I want him to actually glare at me. Threaten me even. I want him to blush when I say Sakura's name. I want him to growl. I want him to smile. Kami-sama, I want him to do something!

  
  
Syaoran sat there silently, deaf to all sounds, his blind eyes staring at me. White, blind eyes, white like the whites of his eyes that were supposed to be white, but it wasn't supposed to be white. Black pupils were small but obvious. Dark rings of his eyes stood out, separating white from white.

I cursed him.

I cursed him again and again and for the first time I felt myself crying. What would Yue think of me? What was Yue thinking of me?

Lele nosed me with that cold nose and licked my face. It was wet, sloppy comfort, but comfort all the same. I sighed. It's no use crying. Syaoran wasn't crying anymore. He had cried all his tears out long ago. But I was the only one perhaps, other than Spinel, who hadn't shed a tear in a long while. And here I am, sniffling like an idiot.

_" Hey, kid! I dare you to say that again!"  
" I'll take that dare! Stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal...!"_

" Stuffed animal." I started laughing suddenly. Yukito looked at me strangely.   
" Hai, that's what I am, a stuffed animal." I shook my head. Why didn't I think of that? " Was that what you were trying to do, Lele?" I asked. " That's why you annoyed me earlier. You were doing that for Syaoran. You were calling me a stuffed animal by treating me like one."

All of the sudden, I felt calm. I was glad Yukito bought that dog.

_" Stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal..." _


	7. Chapter 7 Yue

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 7-Yue

I admit, I was a little surprised when I saw Kero break down like that. But I guess I should have expected that.

I'm actually better off than the rest. Because soon after Syaoran was deaf, we built a connection.

That was why I didn't really say much about Syaoran before. We had a connection of mind. He could speak his thoughts to me and I could speak my thoughts to him. It made both of us feel more comfortable that way.

How? The dead. The first time they actually were useful. They let me help my child by establishing this connection at the request of my son.

_Dad, I shot it in!  
What do you mean?_ I asked. I didn't know what Syaoran was doing then.  
_I shot the arrow! It feels like it hit the target!_

I thought Syaoran was joking. What was he doing with bows and arrows right now?

But outside in the yard, sure enough, Syaoran was standing at the target post, feeling the ridges and the arrow. He turned at the sense of my aura and smiled.

I was shocked. How did he do that?

_I felt the aura._ Syaoran answered my question. _I lined it with a bit of aura. Different colors for each. I did it!_

I lifted my child up. " Aren't you-" Then I remembered he couldn't hear me. _  
I thought you don't want to do archery anymore.  
I just thought I'd try.  
_  
I laughed in my mind as well as outside. Then I shot him an image of what the target looked like, studying his face. He beamed. My child's face glowed like the son, despite the hollow look, the blind eyes, the pale skin.

_Come on, let's get you inside._ I told him, and carrying him securely I did what I said.

  
  
We went inside and sat comfortably on the couch for a long while.

_Dad?  
Jingxi?  
What's the weather outside?_

I gave him a brief look outside.

_Oh...it's starting to get really dark.  
Hai.  
I'm hungry.  
What do you want?  
Fried chicken.  
I'll order some from some fast food restaurant._ I offered. Syaoran grimaced but didn't say anything.  
_Fat, oil. Lots of fat and oil. Fat, oil, lots of fat, oil, oil, fat-_

I chuckled. _You need fat, you need oil, and lots of it. So stop complaining._

Syaoran pouted.

__

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest!  
Yohoho and a bottle of rum!  
Drink and the devil has come for the rest,  
Yohoho and a bottle of rum!

" Hai, Syaoran's sleeping." I said to Touya. " What's going on back there?"  
" Kero just hit a vase." I heard Touya groan. " Stupid stuffed animal."

Chuckling, I lied back down on the bed._  
_  
" Is Sergei there?"  
" Along with everyone else except for you and Syaoran."  
" What's going on there?"  
" Many things."  
" Like what?"

For some reason, however, Touya didn't feel like telling me.

_The Walrus and the Carpenter_

" Why do I have a feeling that you're hiding something?" I asked Touya slowly.  
" How should I know?" Touya answered absently. " You've always been quite mistrustful these days."  
" Hm?" I blinked. " Where did that come from?"  
" Where do you think?" Touya chuckled. " Ah, Yue!"

  
  
Somehow we fell to talking of old times.

" That story Kero told us about Syaoran and Xuyan and the monks. Remember?"  
" How can I forget? Chopsticks and knives. Catching flies."  
" Oh, the good times."  
" They're not necessarily gone, you know. Syaoran still has a chance."  
" Hai, he still does, as long as he's alive."

I was silent for a moment.

" What do you suppose was wrong with Sakura that day Syaoran first lost his hearing?"  
" She said she had a dream that Syaoran died." Touya answered. " Nothing big."  
" Sakura has this gift of prophetic dreams." I began to worry.  
" Well, she hasn't been talking much about her dreams. She should have prophetic dreams over and over again, hai?"  
" I guess." I was not convinced.

Touya chuckled.

" Loosen up, Yue. You can't live life like this, all tense and all. Syaoran's healthy. Nothing bad is happening."  
" Hai, but look, he's blind, and then there was this time when he was alright. Then he lost his voice, and another time when he's alright, and Nakuru was even stupid enough to take him to the zoo. And all of the sudden he loses his hearing."  
" What else can he lose?" Touya asked pleasantly. " Smell?"

Well, he has a point...I guess. What else could Syaoran lose?

  
  
When Syaoran walks Lele, it was very amusing.

One of the reasons is because it seemed that it was Lele walking Syaoran, not the other way around. Still, it was sweet to see those two together, and I was glad Yukito bought the dog.

Lele was big now. Really big. No one will ever think of lifting that hound anymore. Heck, the husky has been eating as if trying to replenish what Syaoran lacked.

That dog has an appetite!

  
  
Of course, that led to frequent walks. It wasn't all that bad. Sometimes Xuyan accompanied him, but Xuyan is off to school most of the time. A different school, of course, then what Syaoran got into.

By now I was wondering. What will happen to Syaoran if he _did_ recover? I mean, he has dropped out of school for a year now. But everyone knew him. I was certain of it. Everyone knew who he was, who we were, and all this immortal nonsense that was going on. The witches, the wizards. Heck, if Kero and I went flying out right now, no one would turn and spare us a glance.

I wanted my son to have a future. I can't wait for him to recover. That might take years. He needs to learn independence.

That's when I began homeschooling him. 


	8. Chapter 8 Eriol

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 8-Eriol

I'm okay with Yue homeschooling Syaoran as long as Syaoran was, and so far the little wolf is taking it well. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it.

I think Yue's right. After all, right now we're pining away at whether Syaoran _will_ survive. Why not just pretend that he will and start building his life?

At Yue's request Tomoyo and Sakura began bringing their homeworks and class notes to Syaoran. Actually, it was Yue reading them, but Syaoran saw what he read and that was enough. It was hard for Syaoran, but perhaps harder for Yue. After all, the moon guardian was giving up his life for Syaoran's.

Syaoran learned things fairly quickly and it was easy for him to catch up and even surpass us. Yue gave him a test and didn't let him see the answers. Syaoran got everything correct. Things would have been perfect.

Then Mimi and George stepped in.

" Are you sure?" They asked. " It's probably not going to make much of a difference."

They didn't exactly discourage us, but they did show that they weren't into what we were doing. We ignored them. Wizards and witches were always pessimistic. We've had enough of that. Syaoran was blind. Syaoran was mute. Syaoran was deaf. What more do you want? Right now he's here. We can't just ignore him. And Sakura saw what glimpse she had of a full day without Syaoran. We're enjoying this and taking this real slow. No need to hurry.

May 1st. One whole month after Sakura's birthday. Syaoran will be celebrating his thirty day anniversary of being mute by twelve a.m. Tonight.

Not that it's worth celebrating.

  
  
" Well?" I began, " Aren't you going to say something?"

Sakura remained silent.  
" Tell him to drop it." She answered bitterly.  
" The answer I was expecting." I nodded.

Sakura had grown into a pretty girl. Her hair was long now, and curly. Her green eyes were sharper now. She had more delicate definition to her face. She was more pale now.

Which would explain her many suitors in her school. She had as many as Tomoyo now, and that is saying a lot. So when I brought in the very expensive roses, she wasn't a bit surprised.

I sighed. For some reason I could understand why the wizard and witch seemed so unhappy. But I was glad that she threw away the roses that I was supposed to bring for the boy in school. That means she's loyal to Syaoran.

Yet I couldn't help but sense the tension in the air. It was as if we were waiting for something that was inevitable. A feeling you get when something's watching you. Something awful.

" I can't tell him. You'll have to." I answered. " After all, Osaka wouldn't listen to me."

Sakura sighed. " This is so annoying. I thought I made it clear a long time ago. I'm not free. I'm not single, even."  
" It's not like they would care." I pointed out. " You only went out on a date once in these three years before Syaoran could no longer go."

" Tell me, what's the use of being a Card Mistress if I can't help my friends?"

I sighed. This again.

" Sakura-san, we all have limits."  
" I know. But how come my limit is _here?_"  
" Sakura-san, I don't know what fate has planned for us." I said quietly. " Just wait it out. Perhaps you will be of some use to Syaoran. You are now, after all, Syaoran found his father because of you, felt love, had many friends, and now instead of being all alone he's surrounded by those who cared for him."

Sakura remained silent. I do not know what she was thinking.

  
  
Xuyan was playing the cello when I went over to Yukito's after school. Syaoran was upstairs, sleeping.  
" Konnichiwa." I said. " Since when did you start playing the cello again?"  
" I never stopped." Xuyan glared. " What are you talking about?"

Ignoring him, I decided to go upstairs and check on Syaoran.

Syaoran was asleep, and judging from his deep breathing, he was very tired. What in the world did that guy do that day?

Dropping off the notes and the homework, I went back downstairs.   
" So when are you going back?"  
" Where? Hong Kong? Not for a long while. I want to make sure he's okay." Xuyan answered. There was a strange look in his eyes.  
" Something bad's going to happen, right?" I asked quietly.  
" Hai." Xuyan nodded.  
" You're the Emperor. Can't you do something?"

Xuyan sighed. " It's like Hades. I'm the King of the Dead. I'm not Death itself. And I honestly don't know how to do this." He sighed. " It's getting nearer." He said, closing his eyes. " I can feel him preparing to depart. He's hesitating. He's holding to the rail. But when the ground moves, he'll move, rail and all. It's inevitable."  
" How do you know?" I asked. " Do you want to go look in the cave again?" 

Xuyan stared at me for a long moment.

" Why bother, Eriol?" He blinked. " Seriously. Why bother? After all, I know what's going to happen."  
" Any chance that can change?" I was searching for any signs of hope now. Any signs of hope.  
" I don't know what's going to happen to him." Xuyan answered. " Unless someone takes his place-but it's hard to figure out exactly _who _is not supposed to die, and even when you do, it's hard to force Death to realize that the person is a subsitute, not some other person."  
" Is it possible though?"  
" Are you suggesting you want to kill someone? Or commit suicide?" Xuyan started laughing. It was a horrible, bitter laugh. " I doubt it will work, but then again, nothing is certain now. You shouldn't try it until you're sure. Be content that for now Syaoran is safe. From most perils."

To be honest I was not content with that at all.

  
  
I sighed.   
" No thanks," Sakura looked annoyed. " I have work to do tonight."  
" Is it that Li kid again?" Asked the boy.  
" What will you do about it?" Sakura asked.

Indeed, there was nothing to be done. All knew that Sakura was in love with a blind, deaf, and mute boy. All knew they will never have a chance.

Unless, of course, Syaoran died, but they knew if they wished that Sakura will kill them. She has the power to.

Obviously though, the other boys didn't know it, and Sakura would go to the mental asylum before she starts killing people, so Tomoyo, Sakura and I listened to the flirtings of the boys around us, me being the only one who was free from it, and in the end a disaster was brought to us.

The witches and wizards were gone. 


	9. Chapter 9 Spinel

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 9-Spinel

They didn't really die, if that's what you thought. Nor did they run away. Whatever happened happened because of Syaoran, and it wasn't his fault. Somehow the witches and wizards disappeared, whether to the other dimension or to some other weird world I can't even imagine. No doubt Syaoran's dragon knew all about it, but none of us knew dragon language and it wasn't interested in speaking to us.

This, as can be imagined, was greatly discouraging.

" Just when we need them most." Eriol muttered.

True. We did need them. Mimi and George often visited with several other witches and wizards to check up on Syaoran. When they stopped, it felt like losing a friend. If Syaoran was worried though, he certainly didn't show it. Perhaps he didn't care. Indeed, it didn't matter to him anymore whether the wizards visited or not. He couldn't see them, couldn't talk to them, couldn't listen to them. Yue sometomes helped him, but Syaoran usually didn't pay attention. He was content with doing math and reading literature with the help of Yue's tired eyes.

So the wizards and witches were gone. Period. They dropped to say goodbye to Syaoran and then left, saying they will never come back, yet the strange thing was they also said they'll see Syaoran again.

What the heck could that mean?

" Beats me." Was what Syaoran said, or actually, he shrugged, which pretty much translates into that. Yue said the same thing.

It was getting tiresome. Kero and I will never get use to Syaoran not responding to us. We would fall over and we wouldn't get a word of sympathy from him because he never knew. We would shout his name and he wouldn't hear us if his father didn't. Kami-sama, he's totally separated from the world. It's like having everyone together, but he was separated by a huge clear wall where no sound and no light could pass through.

He was apart from us.

And Kami, do I hate that.

  
  
One day Syaoran faced a tragedy.

Sure, it might not be so important to us. But dogs are like friends and to Syaoran his dearest companion. Lele had been his ears and eyes for a long while, and also his voice. So when Lele was killed in a car accident, Syaoran was devastated.

That dog was barely half a year old. Sure, Lele was big, but he's still a baby. He still has around nine to thirteen years ahead of him.

We buried Lele in the backyard. After that Syaoran would not keep another dog.

  
  
" Since when did _I _become a telephone?" Eriol sat down. " Every day, some kid asks me to tell Sakura this, send this to her, gave me a note, give her this message. Or Tomoyo, tell her this, tell her that."  
" Mr. Mailman." I answered humorlessly. Eriol glared.  
" When will they give up?" He sighed.  
" You forget." Nakuru answered. " You're in junior high school. People are starting to get worked up about the opposite gender, and quite frankly, boys are more stubborn than girls at this age."  
" Not true." I answered. " It's just that Sakura and Tomoyo are very pretty."  
" That too." Nakuru blinked. " I forgot how it was when I tried to act thirteen."  
" Enough." Eriol was rubbing his temples. " I had enough of this. I don't care if they get their hearts broken. But this...this is just plain annoying!"  
" Since when did Eriol-sama get annoyed?" I asked. Eriol blinked. Kaho glared at me. I shrugged. I'm a cat. What do I care.  
" Everything would have been just great if we didn't go to Hong Kong." Eriol began, and he sighed. " Sakura would still be in love with Syaoran but she wouldn't know that this happened to him. Sure, Syaoran would never know Yue's his father, but still everyone's happy! I wouldn't have had to go around trying to comfort people. Touya and Syaoran would still be sharing glaring contests. Kero would still be biting Syaoran. Or maybe, Syaoran would go and never come back, and we'll all be pretty much ignorant and happy."  
" We were meant to know, Eriol." Kaho pointed out. " After all, none of you knew why you followed Syaoran to Hong Kong in the first place."

There was a harsh silence.

Eriol held his head in his hands. " You're right." He said softly. " I guess it's better this way. Syaoran got his one wish. But he lost his family...but then again, he'll lose them anyway. And he'll have nowhere to go. And right now, if he's at Hong Kong he'll be all alone, with his own blindness, muteness, deafness. No one to comfort him. No one to love him. And maybe being the person he is he would not call us for help. And the wizards and witches will never befriend him."

Silence.

" Perhaps if we weren't here he'll be long gone." Eriol went on. " After all, the only reason he's fighting death is for us. He found life worth living because of us. I guess some good came out of this." He smiled, it was a sad smile.

" We had two happy years." Nakuru agreed. " Sure, those two years were also spotted with misunderstanding, especially in the beginning. Remember when Sakura died?"  
" Hai." I nodded. " But most of the time it was happy, compared to how it could have been. Remember how we use to play Chinese poker?"  
" Hai!" Eriol smiled. " And Syaoran use to always win. Either he, or Yue. Those two were unbeatable."  
" And that Chinese New Year party." Kaho tilted her head. " I never saw anything more joyous."  
" And the memories we all shared." Nakuru peeped. " How Syaoran popped his D string and when he threw Chinese noodles into the garbage can."  
" All the ice cream we ate." Eriol laughed. " Kami."  
" And when Yue took him out flying."  
" The monks and the chopsticks."

We were laughing now. Not because we were happy. It seemed we realized that there _were _things to be fond of. Even if they were in the past.

" Remember how you use to hate your piano?" I remarked. " You complained all the time, how the keys don't work, the pedal always creaks, and you were so happy when you finally got a new Steinway from Germany."  
" I remember how Xuyan and Syaoran always argued about the pieces." Kaho said thoughtfully. " They were always saying that someone should slow down, some quicken, all that nonsense, and in the end you always had to push them apart since they argue over your head. You were the one that had the score, after all."  
" Remember that time when Syaoran use to drink that medicine?" I grimaced. " Eww."  
" He played with the Shanghai Orchestra too." Nakuru laughed. " Our little Jingxi."  
" Jingxi. Good surprise. Hai, he brought many surprises." Eriol nodded.

Gradually our talk came to the times before we knew Syaoran was ill. That time when Syaoran disguised his disease so well.  
" He was always glaring at you whenever you came near Sakura." I laughed. " And calling Kero a stuffed animal."  
" Remember the time when you used the strings?" Nakuru blinked. " He had to freeze himself. Naughty Eriol!"  
" And the ski trip."  
" The time when he fell out of the tree."  
" Remember how you put the spell on the piano and it went chasing everyone?" Kaho laughed.

Outside a dog barked. For a minute we all thought it was Lele. It sounded just like his bark. There was a boy there, a brown haired boy that none of us knew, throwing a frisbee.  
" Lele." I said. " I thought it was him. He even looks like Lele."

There was a brief silence.

" Did you finish that book: " The Journey to the West" with him?" Eriol asked.  
" Iie. Xuyan and Yue took up that job."  
" What happened to Sergei?"  
" He was gone. With the wizards."  
" Oh." Eriol sighed. " He claimed there was nothing that could be done."  
" Nothing he could do, at any rate. Syaoran didn't really enjoy his company." Kaho laughed.

More barking sounded. Outside the boy was laughing, rushing to the dog and rubbing its ears.

" Good girl!" He said. " Good girl!" 


	10. Chapter 10 Sakura

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 10-Sakura

There was that first night, and following that, every night was the same. On that first night I was in a meadow. That meadow belonged to a paradise land. I wandered at first around the beautiful meadow and the trees surrounding it. Then I found him. Jingxi was standing at the edge of a cliff. Was he going to jump?

Syaoran suddenly turned around.

" Konbonwa, Sakura-chan." He smiled. " You've come into my dream."  
" This is yours?" I asked, bewildered. I noticed that his eyes were amber and he had just spoken.  
" Hai." Syaoran looked out over the dark plains and oceans. " This is my paradise. I was hoping you would come."

I moved up to him and placed my hand on his arm. He closed his eyes and smiled.

" Don't worry, Sakura, I'm real." He said. " This dream is real too, as real as you want it to be."  
" Wow," Was I can say. " Did you make this yourself?"  
" Iie. That's what makes it so interesting." Syaoran answered. " The Dead granted me this environment. Apparently they granted you this privilege too. Come, let us explore."

We headed down the cliff. It was not steep, and there were rocks and footholds deep enough so I had no fear of falling. Syaoran seemed strong, and he hopped down, catching me as I did, and we headed towards the beach across the plains.

We walked hand in hand across the mossy grass. The true grass were sharp, but the grass here were like wet moss, soft and fluffy like fur.

We walked hand in hand towards the beach. As we neared it Syaoran stopped. We sat down on the sand and watched as the waves hit the shore.

" Look," Syaoran pointed. I looked. It was a seagull. Suddenly, following it were many seagulls. Syaoran threw something at them. The seagull picked it up with its beak and swallowed. I saw that Jingxi had a lot of bread with him. He gave some to me.

For a time we fed the seagulls until the bread was finished. Syaoran gestured to me and we started walking along the beach.  
" Look, there's a cave!" Syaoran said to me, and we started running. The running didn't take a lot of energy and when we got there we weren't panting at all. Syaoran lit a torch that came out of nowhere and we walked inside without any fear.

Inside was dazzling. Covered with gems, the cave looked like a magnificent shelter of jewels. We walked among the jewels and Syaoran took a pink and large one, then gave it to me. It was flat and round.

We came out and saw before us a temple. We climbed the steps and went in for a look around. There were so many things in it, scrolls, paintings, murals. Then I asked Syaoran.

" Is there anyone else here?"   
" We are the only humans." He answered. " The others do not have this blessing. Not even Otou-san."

I smiled. This is even better than a date.

We passed out of the huge temple and went into the woods surrounding it. A doe and a fawn raised their heads at us.

" Come, let's go over." Syaoran smiled. So we did.

The fawn's coat was soft and it was giddy and light. It danced around us in a joy that can never be seen. The mother nuzzled Syaoran affectionately. We played with them for a long while.

  
  
" What happens when you wake?" I asked.  
" I become blind." Syaoran answered. " Deaf, and mute."  
" Why do you still come here?"  
" Comfort."  
" Doesn't that make waking more unbearable?" I asked.  
" Things could be worse. And will be." Syaoran answered.  
" What do you mean?"  
" The dead were kind. But they have little power."

I stared off into the dimming sky, as the sun set.

" Morning is coming. We should wake."  
" Do you want to?" I asked.  
" Not yet." Syaoran looked at me. " You're beautiful, Sakura. I want to see you for as long as I can. There will be a time when I can no longer see you. I want to remember."

He reached out a hand and stroked my cheek. We looked over at the horizon.  
" I have school."  
" It is still early. We still have a couple of hours." He answered.

I felt the wind blow at my hair.

" I like it long." Syaoran smiled tenderly, then began braiding it into a long, single ponytail. " It gives you a look of grace, like Tomoyo."

I remained silent.

" Why do you not speak?" Syaoran asked, still braiding. I did not answer.

Syaoran stopped. He slowly let go.

" When the end comes," He began, and his words were dark, like a warning, " You will have many words you cannot say."

  
  
After that, I met Syaoran in every dream. Sometimes we were at the park with no one else there. Sometimes we were playing with dolphins. But always alone.

It was a dream, at any rate. I could always find people to talk with in the waking world. Syaoran seemed content to just stay with me. I felt the same.

But he always talked as if the end was coming. That there will be an end, and soon. What was he trying to get me to say? I did not know. All I know was I loved him and he loved me.

_" But simply loving is not enough._" Syaoran said. _" Love can be just as empty as words."_

Every night. Always dark words. Words filled with a darkness I could not understand. One dream I yelled at Syaoran.

" You keep offering me clues!" I cried. " But you never talk to me directly anymore!"  
_" Things have changed, Sakura." _He said. _" Do not fret. Do not ponder on the future. The future is black."_

  
  
I was so angry. I was so so angry, that one day I went straight to Yukito's home, and in front of the father and son I threw the jade with all my might on the hard floor.

It should have shattered. Jade is a fragile stone. But iie, it remained intact, as if nothing had ever happened to it. Syaoran found it with his blindness and picked it up. Without any expression he held it out to me.

" Sakura." Yukito began. " It isn't his fault things are this way. The least you could do is to accept whatever he gives you. That jade has a meaning."

I started to cry. I was so tired of all this despair. I wanted people to laugh and shout like that time during the Chinese New Year. I did not take the jade. I ran from the house, too ashamed to face Syaoran any longer. I was so tired of hoping for something that was hopeless. It takes so much energy to believe.

But when I got home the jade piece was on the table next to my bed, and Kero was sitting beside it. 


	11. Chapter 11 Tomoyo

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 11-Tomoyo

It was raining hard that day when Sakura came over. 

" So, are you going to the prom?" I asked.  
" Iie." She muttered. " If I do, someone's going to try to...go with me." meaning a boy.

I raised my eyebrows. " Oh well." I shrugged. I didn't care if she went or not, as long as she and Syaoran remain loyal. 

" Do you want to try the cake I made?" I asked, bringing out this huge cake. Sakura shrugged and tasted it.  
" Pretty good." She smiled.

She use to jump up and say, " Wow Tomoyo-chan! I told you you were a good cook!" and make me feel so smug and proud of myself.

She doesn't do that anymore. People change.

" Did you finish that report?" I asked.

Sakura rolled her eyes. " I didn't even start it yet."  
" Kami-sama."  
" Kami-sama." Sakura agreed. " There's so much work to do this weekend! Global Studies, we have to find ten articles, and English the composition, and Japanese the report. Good heavens."  
" Well, you can always have Eriol write one for you." I laughed. Sakura giggled.  
" Oh please! That's cheating!"

I shrugged. 

  
  
It stopped raining that night and I found Yue outside.  
" Why aren't you with Syaoran?" I asked.

Yue did not answer.

  
  
In fact, he seemed pretty much like the Yue we all knew before there ever was this whole nonsense about Syaoran being his son. Cold, indifferent, apart. He did not look at me.

I was outside in the park because I couldn't sleep. I did not know why Yue was out here.

" What are you doing here?"  
" It does not matter."

I looked at him, puzzled, and stayed silent for a moment.

" Did something happen?"  
" It doesn't matter."  
" Stop saying that. Tell me, what's wrong?"  
" Nothing is wrong. He's outside."  
" Syaoran?"  
" Hai."  
" Outside? But...where?"

Yue looked up at the moon. " He'll be back soon enough."  
" You came to be your own self." I suddenly realized.

Yue turned and looked at me. " Iie." He answered. " That is not why I came here, but good try."  
" Then _why_?" I asked.

Yue raised a finger and pointed. " See there?" He asked. I followed his line of vision and saw it. A shadow, starting to fall.

" Is that _Syaoran?!_" I cried.

Syaoran fell from the skies, but as he neared the ground he slowed. Yue caught him and Syaoran stood on his feet. He looked in my direction.

" What are you doing out here?"

It was Yue's question. I started to speak, then shut my mouth.  
" It doesn't matter."  
" Do not play with me, Tomoyo." Yue answered humorlessly. " You shouldn't be out here."  
" I couldn't sleep."  
" Neither could Syaoran."

I blinked. Sakura told me about how she visited Syaoran every night.

" Don't you want to see her?" I asked Syaoran. Syaoran closed his eyes.  
" She doesn't want to see him." Yue answered.

Disturbed, I reached out to touch Syaoran's arm. Syaoran flung my hand away. I stepped back, hurt, but Yue gathered him into his arms. With one flap of his wings, he left me there, alone in the quiet park.

The moon was new.

  
  
" It has been three years."

Three joyful yet sorrowful years. It's true, what Eriol said. I felt tired. Three years of fighting something I could not fight. I wanted to fight for Syaoran, and I think everyone else felt the same.

" Baoyu had a jade also," Spinel remarked, and none of us knew what he was talking about except Syaoran. " He was born with a jade in his mouth."

I turned back to Touya.

" No more ice cream." I answered. " I'm getting sick of it."  
" I know what you mean." Touya answered. " No vanilla."

Xuyan looked over at us.

" How long are you staying here?" Eriol asked again.   
" For as long as the end delays." Xuyan shrugged. " The other night seemed to delay it quite a lot."

Whatever he meant, it probably was true. Syaoran looked healthier that day. He looked at everyone as if he were observing us.

Yue on the other hand, acted strangely. He seemed more cold than normal. Somehow the coldness made him look almost...more powerful.

Syaoran curled up on his lap and slept.

" I want ice cream."

I grimaced. I was getting tired of ice cream. How could Kero stand that thing?

Touya must have thought the same thing, but since he really had nothing else to do he decided to give Kero some. Then I remembered. Kero didn't have any yet. But even if he did, I shouldn't expect any less.

  
  
One good thing came out of Syaoran's deafness. We could yell and shout and stamp all we want and Syaoran wouldn't wake up. Before, we use to talk in whispers. At first, we still talked in whispers. Then we got use to talking normally when Syaoran was the only one sleeping. Sometimes we do shout. Like today.

" AAAAh! I got brainfreeze!"  
" That's what you get for biting more than you can-swallow." Touya cocked an eyebrow at Kero. Kero humphed and decided not to answer.

Yue closed his eyes and slept as well.

Come to think of it, we haven't seen Yukito that much lately.

  
  
" Anyone in for Chinese Poker?"  
" Not really."  
" I don't feel like doing anything."  
" I'm in for sleep."  
" You sleep too much, Spinel."  
" Who cares. Anyone going to that prom?"  
" Iie. Too many boys."  
" You mean too many suitors."  
" Eriol's getting jealous."  
" Not funny."  
" I know."  
" What day is today?"  
" May something."  
" Wow."  
" Hai."  
" Two more months and it's Syaoran's birthday."  
" What date is today?"  
" May...seventeenth."  
" Less than two months, then."  
" Anyone in for playing that cello?"  
" Syaoran's cello is too squeaky."  
" Play yours, then."  
" I don't feel like it."  
" What about your violin?"  
" My violin's squeaky too."  
" Good heavens."  
" Did anyone finish that Japanese report?"  
" I didn't start it. When is it due?"  
" I am halfway through."  
" I'm finished."  
" When is it due?"  
" Somewhere next week."  
" Did you find the ten articles?"  
" I found two. It's hard to get any on empathy."  
" I found nine. I think seven of them are not legible."  
" How come?"  
" You need a magnifying glass."

At this point, Syaoran woke up. Probably because Yue woke him, but in any case he blinked his blind eyes and looked around at us as if he could see. 

For a moment we really thought he could see.

" Hey, Syaoran, how are you doing?" Kero asked good naturedly.

Syaoran shrugged, then yawned. He gazed down at where the cards are.  
" Anyone in for playing poker?" Eriol asked.  
" Sure. I want a chance to beat Syaoran."  
" Like that will ever happen." Sakura laughed, and Syaoran smiled, taking the cards and shuffling them. He began to deal. Not very well though.

" Here, I'll do it." Eriol took the cards. Sakura laughed.  
" Make sure you don't drop it into the tea!"  
" Hmph!"

And so we played Chinese poker for the rest of the night. In the end, of course, Syaoran won. But it was the best game we'd ever played for a long while. 


	12. Chapter 12 Xuyan

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 12-Xuyan

" So Syaoran, you want some fried noodles?" I asked. Syaoran shrugged. I boiled the water and went to chopping up the tomatoes.

Yukito, who we haven't seen for some time, came down the stairs rubbing his eyes.

" Ohayo, Xuyan." He said. He didn't mention Syaoran's name. But Syaoran waved anyway.

_ Why do you laugh?_

So ironic. I remember a long time ago when Syaoran had asked me that question. We were younger then. I was laughing at Syaoran when he fell down the stairs, and Syaoran got up, trembling, but his voice was calm and his eyes steady.

_ Why do you laugh?_

And yet here he is, the very same Syaoran, laughing in his silent way at Yukito.

What was there to laugh at?

" Things are different." Syaoran answered mildly, when he still had his voice. " I saw how things were if they didn't come with me. I would come back. Ho, I'll come back, and Sakura would still die. I would be alone and everyone will alienate me. Especially Yue and Touya. And all the hate in this place will drive me insane, Xuyan. I will return to Hong Kong again. I would die with no one to miss me. And my family would die and I will be over at your place and we would bicker this way and that without ever realizing we love each other." He smiled at me, his amber eyes curving. " I would still die. Just more quicker. And in more pain."  
" You're fighting." I answered. " You still have a chance."  
" Hai, I am fighting. I always will fight, till the end." Syaoran answered. " And even then I'll fight, fight to come back even when it is useless. But here is a difference, Xuyan. I will not mind fighting. I have friends."  
" You know you bring great pain." I answered.  
" There is more to that other reality." Syaoran answered. " The others will know. Yue will know. Sakura will not come back and Yue will find out I was his son too late. I will die right after I go back. And all will mourn. Why? Because they wronged me. Right now," He took my hand in his, " None of you wronged me. All the past wrongs, they've all been undone."

_" Do you know how wonderful it is to die without regret?_"

  
" Shut up." Yukito muttered to Syaoran. Syaoran just kept on laughing. I went back to chopping tomatoes, and went to get some shrimp to add to the noodles. The water was beginning to steam. I put in the shrimp and the tomatoes, then closed the lid. Opening the package of fried noodles I prepared everything.

" Ooh, fried noodles. Seafood taste?" Yukito looked over. " I see."  
" What was Syaoran laughing at?" I asked.  
" My headache."

I blinked. That wasn't so funny.

" Water's boiling." Yukito answered. I hurriedly dumped in three bags of noodles as well as some scallion. 

  
  
That was breakfast. A rather big breakfast at that. Syaoran was very happy with it.

Then again. He was very happy that day in general.

  
  
Not that Syaoran could actually hear anything if he were at the ballet, but Yukito certainly could, ( with the help of his glasses) and so when they watched the terrible excuse for Swan Lake, ( Japanese people make the worst dancers, especially witht heir fat legs and...um. Not that the Chinese make any better dancers either. The best dancers are the Russians.) Syaoran was very pleased with himself.

That day he had a way of finding humor in everything. Or finding something worth cherishing. The streets were strangely empty that day and the birds were singing cheerfully.

Quite odd, I found, because that day was a weekday. Even the schools were rather empty. Today was no holiday. There should be a lot of cars honking on the streets. There should be.

Yukito shrugged. " Who cares?"

_" Why did you give her the jade?"  
" I love her."  
" You could have given her something else."  
" There was nothing else to give. You see, when you love someone, there is never enough things you can do for them. And when you can't do anything for them, the best thing you can give is yourself."_

Syaoran was happy with his ice cream. I wasn't.  
" Ow, I got brainfreeze." I muttered.  
" That's because you're stupid." Yukito answered good humoredly. " Why did you swallow that thing!"  
" I don't know! It went glump!"

_" I guess it was foolish to hope, you know Xuyan? I guess I always knew that it will end like this. This isn't a punishment really, and I guess I can bear it. Remember the cave, Xuyan? It said that those who offended the dead suffered horribly. They became part of the world. The very air, and whatever they do it will have no effect on the living. I did no such thing."  
" Then...how do you still fight?"  
" I guess for Sakura. But now I'm doubting. I don't think her love for me is strong enough, and really, Sakura isn't that strong. She's not someone I can depend on when I'm totally helpless. Nor any of you, not even Otou-san. There will be a time when one of you break down and I'll lose my support. So I'm leaning on all of you at once. You can bear that, right?"_

" That would be quite cold."  
" The ice cream is too sweet. I can't believe this is vanilla."  
" Syaoran thinks it's good."  
" Boy, Syaoran, your senses are really dulling." I said.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. He stuck his tongue at my direction and went back to his ice cream.

_" Sakura wouldn't be too happy." I said. " She lives on hope."  
" Hope makes things bearable." Syaoran answered. " It doesn't do anything."  
" When do you think you will leave?" I asked, despairingly. " You know you will hurt us all."_

Syaoran smiled with his amber eyes and took my hands in his.  
" Yes, I will hurt you all. Perhaps even to the point where it kills some of you. It is beyond my control. But remember this, sometimes even memories are more valuable then they seem, painful though they were. Go back home, Xuyan. When the time comes I'll call you."  
" When what time comes?" I asked.

Syaoran smiled.

" You'll see."

Yukito stared at the video.  
" You want to rent _this_?" He blinked. " But it's an English movie."  
" You think I don't know English?" I laughed. " How'd you suppose I survived elementary school without English? And no doubt Syaoran understands English."  
" Do you learn American English or British English?"  
" My place learns British." I answered. " Perfect for the Holy Grail. Monty Python is British, iie?"

Yukito blinked. " But...it's...stupid."  
" I heard it's funny."  
" Well," Yukito shrugged.

  
  
The beginning of the movie, as some should know about Monty Python, left me the deepest impression. Sounds of horse hooves, thumping on the ground far away in the mist, and lo and behold! King Arthur gallops on his two human feet with a servant carrying his luggage and pounding two coconuts together. Arthur stops, shouts, " Halt!" The man behind stops, then the pounding begins yet again and Arthur tries his best to mimick a horse.

Not the best impression anyone may get from the most famous of European legends. Syaoran thought the same. At first we thought it was something like Don Quixote where there is a man trying to be King Arthur. That is, until we saw the guards at the castle.

" _Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"_

_" A five ounce bird cannot carry a one pound coconut!"_

The British accent itself made the situation even more hilarious. The thing with the accent is that it makes some people sound more...educated, I would say. When an educated person says something as ridiculous as that, well, to be sure, one could laugh his head off.

_" It could be carried by an African swallow."_  
_  
" You see, in order to maintain velocity, a swallow has to beat its wings forty-three times a second. Am I right?"  
" Please!"  
" Am I right."  
" I'm not interested!"_

It's really hard to decide who was more stupid, the guards or King Arthur.

  
  
_" Why do witches burn?"  
" Uhh, 'cause they're made of wood!"  
_  
" What was the point of this?" I asked Yukito.  
" Salem Witch Trial. They tried something of a Trojan Horse later on."  
" What's a Trojan Horse?" I asked.  
" You don't know?"  
" No."

Yukito went into a brief summary about Helen and Menelaus and Paris, and about Ulysses coming up with his clever plan about building a huge wooden horse and hiding people inside it.

The only problem with the movie, was that it was a Trojan Rabbit, and the people forgot to hide in it.

" Well! That's smart!"

_" Brave brave Sir Robin, set forth from Camelot.  
He was not at all afraid, brave brave Sir Robin!  
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,  
Brave brave brave brave Sir Robin."_

Indeed. Even I was braver than that.

  
  
Syaoran seemed to find it very funny for some reason. He said it was like Ji Xiaolan and all that. I thought it was simply dumb.

_" Oh Knights of Ni, we will find you your Strawberry."_

That British accent didn't help much.

  
  
" Why do I have to be a lord? What the heck do lords wear? I can't wear a crown! The King wears a crown! And what does the Pope wear?"  
" Ano, don't mind me asking; what the heck are you talking about?" I asked.  
" Our Global Studies teacher gave us this group project." Sakura was in a bad mood that day. Curiously enough, she was in a bad mood most of the time. " He said we have to get this ready by Thursday. That weird thing about the Magna Carta and King John. I have to be a lord! I had to read the Magna Carta! And it wasn't as if I understood it easily!"

Not that I could understand Sakura. She was becoming quite bitter these days, not the cheerful little girl she use to be. Indeed, we all changed somehow. Yue was a little more affectionate but I had a feeling he was going back to his old ways. Eriol was a lot less confident of himself. Nakuru was more serious and Spinel more responsible. Even Kero seemed to be down in the dumps most of the time. None of us told that to Syaoran-he takes the point really quickly and he will only make things worse by feeling guilty. Tomoyo wasn't as enthusiastic about Sakura anymore. Indeed, she had enough boys to worry about. They come like flies. It was very interesting to watch her deal with them. With all her experience, Tomoyo never seemed to get the hang of how to fight them off.

" But what was it about the lords and the crowns and the popes?" I asked.  
" Iie! We had to dress up! How am I supposed to dress up in three days?" She sighed. " I don't even know what to wear. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with this stupid assignment."

Syaoran was sitting right next to her. He didn't respond at all. It was quite odd, watching him do nothing while his very love is sitting there all upset. I studied Syaoran's expression. No. Other than the fact that Syaoran knew we were there, he had absolutely no idea what was going on.

I sighed. It's not surprising to see how people had changed. Syaoran did absolutely nothing, but his condition affected us all. 


	13. Chapter 13 Nakuru

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 13-Nakuru

_Many years pass like days,  
When one has hope to go on.  
A flower dies in one year,  
As one wakes and sleeps._

_I slept till now for many a year,  
And woke to find light,  
But now as a flower dies in winter,  
I must go back._

" Nice poem." I nodded. " Good one Syaoran."

He couldn't hear me so he didn't respond.  
" Are you going to put it in a frame?" Eriol asked.  
" Yukito's not here." I pointed out.  
" Oh." Eriol stopped. " Looks good enough for a frame."

Syaoran felt around the couch and sat down. Yukito came back.  
" Oh. I see you found the little poem Syaoran finally managed to search out." Yukito blinked. " I was going to put it in a frame. Syaoran wasn't going to have it, but I think I'll do it anyway without telling him."

Syaoran blinked. Obviously he didn't hear what his father just said.

" Ano, are you going to keep it from him for long?" I asked.  
" Perhaps."Yukito shrugged. " He can't do anything about it."

He suddenly stopped because Syaoran suddenly climbed off the couch and tried to make his way towards him. He nearly tripped, but Yukito caught him in time.

" Not a good idea, Syaoran. You should stay where you are." I told him.

Syaoran made a strange motion. It seemed like he was showing off his biceps. Whatever he was trying to say it made Yukito feel really bad, so we could only conclude that he wasn't really trying to show off his biceps, not that he had much of them.

Yukito didn't tell us what it really was though.

" Where's Sakura?" I asked Touya.  
" Off in the mall with Tomoyo." Touya answered. " Just got back from Yukito's?"  
" Hai." I answered.  
" How's the kid?"  
" Getting worse."

Touya didn't seem surprised. It was getting harder and harder to surprise him. " How's Yukito?"  
" I don't know. I can't really tell."  
" Oh." Touya nodded.  
" Are you going to tell Sakura?" I asked.  
" Don't know." Touya answered, looking almost bored. " Do you think I should?"

I remained silent.

" Got any news about the world?" Touya suddenly asked.  
" Don't you buy newspapers?"   
" I didn't have time. Neither did Otou-san."  
" That idiot Bush was attacking Iraq." I answered. " He started to some time ago."  
" Americans." Touya scoffed. " But no matter. As long as he doesn't attack us, we're fine."  
" Sakura could do something to end the war." I sat down.  
" As if she'd care." Touya answered. " I don't care either. I don't think any of us do. War can go as she pleases. We're just sorcerors."

I raised my eyebrows. " Before you would never had said that."  
" Syaoran changed a lot of things." Touya answered.

I remained silent again. So many things have changed.

" How's school?" I asked.  
" I didn't go that much." Touya answered. " I took longer breaks. Said it was a family emergency."

I stared at him. It was a family emergency.

" Sometimes I wish Syaoran would die sooner." Touya muttered to me. " That way we wouldn't be played around with. All these months, these years, waiting, waiting for him to get cured. He never does. He gets better, only to get far worse. It's as unbearable as suspense. And the worst part is, I can't give up on him. It isn't just that I'm not allowed to. I _can't._ It wouldn't feel right. It's not me to just admit losing. But sometimes I guess giving up is much more comforting then this. The sooner Syaoran dies the sooner everything could settle to their rightful places."

" Or wrong places." I answered. " The wizards and witches-they already gave up on him. In a sense we gave up on him too. Syaoran's given up on himself. We're just waiting."

" When Syaoran dies I can go back to school." Touya sat down and opened a bag of chips. He held the bag to me and I took some. " Maybe Yukito would go back too. Sakura would get another boyfriend or something. We can forget about Jingxi. Who am I kidding?" He sobbed at last.

I watched him in silence. He held his face in his hands.

" Who are you kidding?" I agreed at last. " When Syaoran dies things will never be the same anymore. Maybe we will never see Yue again. Perhaps Sakura will fall so sick she'll end up where Syaoran will be."  
" Maybe it won't be like that." Touya whimpered. " Maybe it would be for the best. It won't be like Fate to let us have so much glory only to render it useless!"

I sighed. " You don't know what Fate has planned for us." I answered. " Do you know what Syaoran once told his father? You don't know what you deserve. Perhaps one mistake was not enough to make a difference. But as the mistakes pile up, you must have the results. Or perhaps, a bad mistake might turn out to be beneficial, and you're rewarded. You don't know what you deserve to get until you get it."

It was Touya's turn to be silent.

  
  
" Sakura, are you alright?" I asked.

Sakura didn't answer. Instead, she fingered at the jade that Syaoran had given her with cold fingers and cold eyes.   
" Sakura."  
" Somehow I think the jade is more brittle today." She said softly, as if she never heard what I said.   
" Something's going to happen." Sakura giggled. " Dear dear, what to do?"

I fell quiet. If she must go mad, she'll go mad. But I grew more concerned about Syaoran.

There must be a reason why she was fingering the jade that day.

I came home rather noisily. Eriol was practicing a chord over and over again.  
" Gee, Eriol-sama, you haven't practiced the piano in a long while." I observed.  
" Yukito just called." He said impassively.  
" Really?" I asked, dropping my bags and taking off my coat. " What's wrong?"  
" Well, Syaoran won't be going out anymore, that's for sure." Eriol answered, quite coolly, as if whatever news he was bringing up wasn't such a big deal.  
" Hmph, so? He never went out these days."  
" What's the day's date?"  
" June first. Why?"  
" I see. Just around a month until the third anniversary eh? I'm beginning to think the wizards and witches were right."  
" What do you mean?" I asked casually. " What happened?"  
" Syaoran lost his nervous system." Eriol answered in an odd voice. " He's blind, deaf, mute, and paralyzed. He can still feel things though-that's to be thanked." But he didn't sound too grateful.  
" Paralyzed?" I gaped. " But, how? I just saw him today!"

Eriol laughed coldly.

" I saw him too, Nakuru." He could no longer stop laughing, and I briefly remembered how Sakura had broken into giggling fits just earlier. " Ah, Nakuru san! If you remember clearly, Syaoran had gotten off his couch. Yukito turned to him and Syaoran looked like he was showing off his biceps, right? Well, do you know what he was saying?"

I was silent. I was speechless. What did Syaoran say?

" He said, ' I am going to lose the ability to move. So I might as well move now.' Yue took him out flying this afternoon. When he came home he never moved again. Alas!" 


	14. Chapter 14 Yue

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 14-Yue

A month passed. On July fifth we began thinking about Syaoran's thirteenth birthday. It was hard to think about it especially in his state. How will he blow out the candles? How will he open the presents and know what they are without me around?

Nevertheless, the others still bought or made presents for him. All except for Sakura, who, in her bitterness, could not bring herself to buy anything for Syaoran.

I never said anything about it. The truth was, only Sakura knew more than the others. Syaoran had no need for material possessions anymore. He needed what we cannot give. A voice, ears, eyes, and the ability to move his body. Not stupid things like watches or clothes or books.

Jingxi's voice faded away from my mind and usually it was I who talked to him and he listened. He pressed on with life, unafraid, and I did not tell him that this last straw had taken all the support from his friends.

Still, just as well. He did not want them. He wanted no one except his Daddy. His love died with Sakura's hopes. He looked at her with blind and white eyes. He didn't care about Eriol, or Kero, or Touya or Nakuru, or Spinel or Tomoyo. 

He wanted his mommy. I remember him calling softly for her. He called her again and again with silent lips, so weak he was, so frail. I closed my hands over his and he relaxed against me.

On the day of his birth we stayed together in bed for the entire day. Jingxi never fell asleep but I wasn't sure if he was awake either.

We listened to the summer birds that chattered outside the window. It was eight in the morning and everything was carefree. I whispered a happy birthday to him and I saw him faintly smile, but he was too paralyzed to smile much anymore.

I think we both knew what will happen that night. That was why I stayed with him for the whole day. We didn't eat, didn't drink, but we talked, or I talked. I talked to him about the foolish actions he did three years ago and scolded him for not telling us sooner. I remarked on how his skin use to be darker and if Syaoran could laugh he would have then.

I talked about that fateful trip to Hong Kong that none of us knew the purpose to. It was definetely Fate. And at the memory I wrapped my arms around my son even tighter. That trip gave me a son. That trip gave Jingxi a father. And I remembered the time when I saw the cello cases, and when Syaoran woke up we all asked him to play. That time he had eyes. That time he had ears. That time he had a voice. That time he could run arouns and practice his sword waving and sit down and tease Xuyan about how his bow stinks.

_Remember that time when you were invited to join the orchestra?_ I asked him. Syaoran didn't answer, but if he could he would be nodding. _That time you were freaking out and saying that you can't play the cello anymore. It was so funny, you were beside an old man and the the two of you were like that Macintosh commercial with Yao Ming and the other guy. And then that was when your mother and sisters died after you got drunk, remember? You nearly died that night. Whoever made you drink that wine...but then, it was hardly worse than drinking that bitter medicine everyday, right? You use to drink that every day. Remember? You hated it, and when you came home with me, I had to take seeds and sow them in our back yard._

A squirrel munched on a nut it just found. Another squirrel scampered up the trunk and suddenly there were small noises being made. The first squirrel took the nut in its mouth and went higher into the tree, while the second one raced to chase it. They highed along the treetops, leaves fluttering down as they broke off the branches.

_Two years,  
The soul steps out,  
And all that lived died at once._

Three years.  
The eyes open,  
And all that was hidden laid bare to see.

Four years,  
The ears grow strong,  
And all that's silent became known.

Five years,  
The hand moves quick,  
And all the weapons became covered with blood.

Six years,  
Silent and still,  
And all the close ones depart.

Seven years,  
One comes near,  
The little one then learns to care.

Eight years,  
The test of strength,  
As one fails to do what's done.

Nine years,  
The heart grows cold,  
Accepting all that ever was.

Ten years.  
The soul departs,  
To different place one learns to love.

Eleven years,  
The wish comes true,  
And all that's hidden came to light.

Twelve years,  
Thirteen and more,  
Little is known of what fate has in mind._  
_  
No doubt Nakuru had told you of this saying. At two years Syaoran showed his magic for the first time as well as the symptoms. At three he was molested. At four he learned the cello. At five he began martial arts training. At six, all his friends were either killed or they disappeared. At seven, Syaoran met Meiling. At eight, Meiling failed him by not helping him from the waters he had fallen into and nearly drowned. At nine he learned to look cold and impassive.

At ten he first came to Japan and laid eyes on Sakura for the first time. At eleven, he found his father. At twelve-

At twelve he lost his hearing, his sight, his voice, his ability to move. All at once.

Briefly I remembered two years ago when Eriol had asked if Syaoran had any symptoms like seeing things, headaches, nausea, stomachaches, bleeding at the mouth.

He didn't have that disease. The disease that causes the victim to decompose in life. But he had a slow one, a slow torturous sickness.

My child...

_ We use to play poker. Remember? We were discussing about Cenon, Galadran, and all the other shamans that might be able to help you. Remember Junxiu, Guofeng, and Zishi? We called to them for help, remember? And that white van. Sakura died in a car accident. And we were stupid enough to think that she was so precious and you were not._

As I talked to him I felt tears forming in my eyes. I didn't want him to leave me. I didn't want Syaoran to die. Not after everything. Not after I nearly lost him once, for five days, until, thanks to Xuyan, Syaoran was driven out of his hiding place and I found him.

_Remember when school started, and you were a goalie in the soccer team? You totally humiliated one of the players...I forgot his name, in Kyoto. Remember? And then there were the caves, the carvings on the cave walls. I still remember how we thought that your fate was left for the open._ My tears began to fall and they dropped on to Syaoran's eyes. Syaoran blinked, but didn't wipe them away. He didn't have any ability to.

_ And that time with the monks. Lele._ I thought bitterly.

I felt a sudden warmth in my mind and recognized it to be Jingxi.

_ Is it time already?_ I asked quietly.

I felt sorrow seeping through and closed my eyes in acceptance.

_ Farewell, my son. I love you._

Farewell, Daddy. I love you too. Always...

  
  
Outside it was nighttime. The wind blew, whistling through the branches of the trees outside. Crickets called to each other in their strange voices. It was dark and rather cool. The sky glittered with stars and sometimes a shadow would pass by, blocking some of their twinkling light, but always they will shine anew. None can deny the light of the stars. There was a full moon.

Cars brushed past, their lights interrupting the darkness of the night, their engines interrupting the silence. Time and again, someone would walk by. Sometimes old women. Sometimes children, all laughing happily. It was getting darker. It was nine. 

I lied there with my child in my arms. Curse the gods, who made the day of his birth the day of his death as well. I continued talking to him. But this time I did not talk to him about the past, and I did not talk to him with my mind. I spoke my thoughts. I talked about what might have been, if he survived a little longer, a few years, maybe.

" We would give you a great birthday party." I promised him. But those were empty promises. " You'll get tons of gifts. Maybe Yo Yo Ma would come and attend, after all, you're Li Jingxi! And perhaps if you were stronger you could take Sakura out for a date, and go to college with her, and maybe you might be a doctor because you were already a patient." I chuckled bitterly. " Sakura could be an author and publish what we're writing. Let the world scoff for all we care. And maybe if you ever want to go flying we can still go through that window. Do you want to go flying Syaoran? But no, you're tired. You want to sleep. Sleep then. I'll be right here. Even if the world ends, I'll be right here, right by your side, when you wake up, _if you ever wake up..._" 


	15. Chapter 15 Sakura

The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 15-Sakura

  
  
I stared at the running water, my hands as cold as stone and my heart stone within me. I looked at the jade in my hand.

_" When I was young I always heard that my father disappeared somewhere. There were no stories about him dying or such things like that. They always told me that he disappeared, that he disappeared. One day my grandmother bought me this jade when I was around five years old. It always had some kind of good luck thing to it-I never was physically wounded by falling or things like that. I took it to every cello competition and to every concert. Every time I train in martial arts I took it with me. At night I'd pray for my father to return."_

I stared at my reflection in the water. I saw a different girl. I was no longer the cheeful Sakura who use to laugh and jump around in delight. I saw before me a thin, shattered girl, with lifeless green eyes and dirty auburn hair.

I didn't cry when they told me. It felt so strange. Anyone who knew me would suppose I would cry my eyes out until they are as blind as Syaoran's when he died. But it felt like Syaoran was nothing to me anymore. It was as if his death had no significant meaning. Syaoran's dead. So there.

_" Now that my otou-san is back, I don't need to pray for him any longer. I don't need that good luck or protection. I want you to have it. I want it to serve you like it had served me. Make you successful. I want you to keep it safe like I did. You will need it, trust me."_

I stared at the jade in my hand. Make me successful. I will need it.

Really, Syaoran? After everything that happened, all you left me was this? This poor excuse for a jade.

I stared into the water, and I fingered at the pendant around my neck. I was the Card Mistress. But what use is that if I can't protect the ones I loved?

Love. Ha, so funny.

  
  
Yue would not let us touch the body. None of us knew what happened to it. If there was a funeral, none of us were invited or knew when or where it took place. He, like me, didn't cry when he told us that Syaoran was gone. Forever. We will never see him again, blind and disabled though he was. We will never hear him play the cello. We will never hear him call " Royal Flush in Spades!" or " I win this round!". We will never speak to him again because there will be no response, Yue or no.

I took this in without any tears. Let Syaoran die. He deserves to die anyway. For all the lies he told us. All the useless hope we had wasted on him. Those times we shared together-all for nothing. Card captures. Trials. All for nothing.

I wasn't there when he died.

Should I regret it? Should I have wished that I was at his deathbed the minute he died? But I didn't regret it. It didn't occur to me that when he died he lost all sense of feeling and it was purely because Yue was there that he was able to die in peace, safe within Yue's aura.

Not that I would care if it did occur to me. What do I matter to him? He's the half mortal, the odd wizard by who knows how, the child of the dead that also abandoned him. I'm the Card Mistress. I am Kinomoto Sakura. I have a life. I have a future.

" Sakura-chan..."

I didn't turn around. I saw, in the water, the reflection of Tomoyo coming up to me.

" Sakura-chan..." She raised her hand and rested it against my arm.  
" What are you doing here?" I asked.  
" Checking to make sure you're alright." She answered.  
" I'm fine."

Tomoyo's eyes glazed with hurt as she stepped back and I didn't blame her. We use to trust each other. Loved each other dearly. It must have affected her deeply to see me thus removed from her. But I did not sympathize. I did not care.

Tomoyo sighed softly, then left my side. I was alone.

Around me were many trees. Trees, all green with their deeply colored leaves. The ground was littered with fallen fruit, some overly riped, some still small and green like tender young leaves that sprouted after a fresh rain. Tomoyo's footsteps faded as she moved further and further away.

I closed my eyes. Vaguely I wondered. What happened to me? Why do I feel so insensitive, as if what tragedies in the world would never stir my stone heart? Do I really have a stone for a heart?

No answer. Beneath the shining waters, the pebbles spun with the current. Leaves floated downstream.

I stared at the jade. I have Syaoran's pictures. But the jade was the only real thing. It's like illusions. You may see them, but you can never be sure that they're real. Photos are like that. They capture that moment, but it is never the same again, simply because it was on a frame and placed for all to see, stopped within time.

I stared at the jade. It was simple. It wasn't even beautiful. I remember what I thought three months ago. Such a simple thing, yet so much meaning.

Empty meaning.

Angry now, I flung the jade into the water, watching it as it cracked and settled to the bottom of the waters. Curse you, Syaoran! I cried in my mind. Curse you and all your filthy words and promises! All those fake, made up stories, empty gifts, and an empty love that you've shown me ever since I confessed my love for you! Curse you and the day that we first met. I wish you never came to Japan. I wish I never knew you. I wish that day when you were returning to Hong Kong that I never went with you, nor Yue, nor Tomoyo, or Touya and Spinel and Kero and Nakuru and Eriol...

Turning around, I brushed my eyes. Was I crying? Crying for what? Perhaps for the piercing pain I now felt in my heart. Like knives, digging deep into the soul. I thought about those dreams we shared, how Syaoran was always there. Those prairies and meadows and beaches and forests. He was alive. He had his eyes, his ears, his voice, his movements. He was whole. He was healthy. He was unmarred by the filth of disease.

He never even said goodbye, that treacherous bastard. He never came to me in my dreams, even when he knew what would happen. No, he spent all his time, alive and awake, with his _father_. What about me? Why does it seem that the girls always get hurt? Every time a boy tells a girl he loves him, the girl smiles, and then they lie down in bed together. Then, when the girl needs him the most, the boyfriend leaves her to her fate.

Damn you Syaoran.

Then I fell to my knees. Iie. Syaoran never took advantage of me. He truly did love me. He wasn't like one of those gruesome stories. He was honest. He was calm. He was understanding. He stayed away from me because he didn't want me to feel too much pain. He wasn't a bastard. He was a sympathetic and soft hearted baka.

Tears welled up in my eyes again. This time I didn't brush them away. I sat there, on my knees, for a long while, staring at the ground in front of me. I closed my hands and tried to clasp the jade to my heart, to tell Syaoran that I wasn't really angry at him-

The jade.

In horror, I jumped to my feet and ran back to the edge of the stream, remember vividly how I had, in my rage, so rashly thrown that precious stone into the waters.

It had cracked.

  
  
I stared at the water with disbelief. I did not hear the footsteps behind me. I remembered how one time I had thrown the jade to the floor before Syaoran, cursing it and crying. It didn't break then on the hardwood floor. Why did it break now?

Without thinking, I stretched my arm out and snatched the last piece of the jade out of the water. Someone held me back and I fought against the arms, shrieking and crying as I went. Let me go! I have to rescue the last of what Syaoran was. Syaoran gave that to me on my birthday. My last birthday present from him-

But then...

Before my tearfilled eyes I saw the piece of shattered jade float suddenly, and ever so slowly, drift downstream. I made a move to catch it, but it floated out of my reach, and down the stream, far away. I got up and rushed to chase it. But it was gone. I could no longer find it.

" Imotou!"

I did not respond to Oni-chan. I dropped to my knees again and cried. I cried because I was not there for Syaoran and that I had given up on him. I cried because I destroyed the last thing I had of Syaoran. But most of all I cried because I felt so betrayed and so empty that it seemed like the only thing my heart still holds were my tears, hot and fresh, coming from one who lost everything dear to her. 


	16. Epilogue Touya

The Disease that Killed Love

Epilogue-Touya

  
  
Sakura became a prime minister. It was just as well, because had she been anything else she might be forced to become more emotional. As a prime minister, she could just stand and watch the suffering around her with a stone face. She never married.

Eriol and Tomoyo would have married if not for Syaoran. Both remained single. Eriol became a lawyer. Tomoyo took over her mother's company. They never spoke to each other anymore, unless it came to dealing with business.

Nakuru and Spinel remained Eriol's ever faithful servants. They took care of him well. Kero took care of Yue, who became a doctor, as was expected. He was one of the less sympathetic ones, Yukito, I mean, because he had watched his son suffer more than those idiotic patients could. When a doctor sees so much suffering, his heart hardens naturally. There was little empathy from the hospital. They do not even flinch at death.

Xuyan became a musician. He became one of the world's leading cellist, turning the cello into his major and dropping the violin. Perhaps he was trying to make up for Jingxi. But it was not enough. Jingxi was Jingxi. Xuyan was Xuyan. And no matter what honor he brought home with him, Jingxi will never have any of it. Actually, Jingxi was long forgotten, and more so each time Xuyan got a new honor, though Xuyan never knew that. He became a professor at Juilliard after learning English and taught college and graduate students alike. Later he became one of the leading circle of teachers.

I became a professor at the University of Tokyo. The wages were decent there and I enjoyed a casual life. Sometimes I go and visit Yukito, although rarely now. None of us gathered together anymore. Time changes things.

We went on with our lives. None of us married. None of us dated, or found any girlfriends or boyfriends. You may ask, why?

A death can do many things to one person. It can soften him so that he becomes more sympathetic towards others, or it can harden him so that he no longer loves or cares about the world. For us, the latter proved to be more effective.

We never talked about Syaoran. Not even on July 13th, the day of his birth and death. None of us touched chocolate. None of us wore green. It just seemed so unappropriate. None of us approved of other people eating chocolate or wearing green either. 

It almost was as if such things were reserved for Syaoran alone.

  
  
Remember how it all began? It was during the summer of June. Yukito and I were waiting for Sakura and her group and I was pouring water over my hair to cool off. Syaoran suddenly shouted and that led to a whole chain of events.

I was so thoroughly annoyed with Syaoran. That time we were stilling having hypnotizing contests.

Things changed in three years, right? They changed even more in twenty, thirty, forty years.

  
  
We came together for the last time when we were all pretty much old men and women. I was eighty-four. Sakura was seventy-seven. We were not in wheelchairs or anything like that. We met by chance in a restaurant.

Iie, we did not talk of old times. Sometimes wounds never heal. Sometimes they continue to bleed, even after so many treatments and tending. We didn't talk about each other either. It was the first time we gathered together without Syaoran, ever since Syaoran died. And yet we didn't really talk. We ate, we enjoyed each other's company, and left each other. Sakura to hers. Tomoyo to hers. Eriol to his. Yukito to his. Nakuru, Spinel, and Kero to theirs. I to mine.

  
  
Remember how we use to think? Sakura was once the center of our little group and everyone was attached to her. Then it turned out to be Syaoran. He was Eriol's descendant and Sakura's love. He was Nakuru and Spinel's master's descendant. He was my sister's love and Yue's child. He was Kero's fellow guardian's son. He was Xuyan's cousin.

When Syaoran is gone, we separated. That's what happens to things like this. It's like the solar system. All the planets are drawn to the sun. As long as the sun is there, the planets will always circle around it. When the sun is gone, the planets will separate. We will have no nine planets anymore. Pluto will go one way. Neptune to the other. Earth will be drifting to another galaxy.

That was what happened. Eriol went back to England, enjoying his retirement. Sakura went to her home. I went to mine, enjoying my own retirement, as did Tomoyo. The guardians left with their masters.

  
  
  
By this time, Syaoran's laughter and his suffering seemed like a shadow in the sunlight. 


End file.
